i dont know...

i wish i could hide this

Currently Listening The Weak's End By Emery see related

this isn't how it's supposed to be

I honestly don't know what to do
slept 4 hours total. It was great
got sick twice
I’m shaking

I don’t like feeling weak. It’s not me. As I type this I will probably come to some sort of conclusion. After all that is that only reason I still do this. I apologize if it’s all over the place.

 I never wanted to feel second again. I believed that he would never do that to me. He’s not like anyone else. Am I a fool for believing another promise? But the situation is hard. I know that. But how many times can I go through this? The question, AGAIN isn’t the wait. Cause I know how I feel. But this time I’m really not sure how he feels. My mind tells me that if someone felt the way I do then they would never do this. If you take a step back and look at everything.... YOU ARE BEING SO SELFISH. I think he sees that. I’m not really sure why he values your friendship. I don’t know what he is afraid of. Maybe he's afraid of your instability. But we ALLLLLL know you use that to your advantage. Oh, let me throw this in here.... you stay out of my life. I’m not sugar coating it anymore. I know exactly what you’re doing and stop lying to me. Any way.... i’m off track. Back to what is important.

I will say it again I know how I feel about him. But why is he so easy to throw that aside? This is what scares me. Maybe I am alone in my feelings. It wouldn’t be the first time. So what do I do? There isn’t really an answer I can only come to a temporary solution that will make me some-what okay with everything. I think this is it: I hope he knows that nothing has changed. I will still be here. I don’t want anyone else. I’ll just have to be okay with everything and.... hope that is enough for him. He still makes me happy.

At the same time it really feels like history is repeating. I HOPE I'M WRONG.









Three sleepless nights
This isn't how its supposed to be.
But you are so good at
taking your time to get back to me.

I will wait for you forever,
if you would just ask me.
I thought that I could change you
but you changed me.

It doesn't feel right,
holding someone else's hand.
Together on phone line,
and living at two opposite ends.

It scares me to think,
that you could find takers other than me
and better than me.

But you're head is elsewhere,
and I’m talking enough for both of us.
When will you see it's not (it’s not) so easy for me
you’re careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.

And I thought that you said
things were improving.
These laces are untied,
but my feet are still walking away.

(I fall from you eyes, your eyes I trusted, you said forever)
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can still be...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
(Don't say that we can still be friends)

Erase my name from this page.

How can you take all these days
(What is inside of me what have I done?)
and throw them away
(Is this the only way that you will notice me?)
as I sit here waiting for you (for you)
(Dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)

I stay up nights
(If you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(Why can't you look at me can you only see?)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(One side, your side, can take away)
Walk away from me.
This night is done.

With my feet on the dash The world doesn't matter.